Worried about a parent's memory?

How to help when you notice a change

Adult children are often the first to notice changes in a parent’s memory.

Being concerned about someone you love can put you in a difficult position. You want to help without making your mom or dad feel judged, frightened or as though they are losing independence.

The goal is to gather information to help start a conversation and help your parent take the next step, if needed.

An Asian man in his late sixties carrying two full shopping bags up steps — Early signs of memory loss are easy to explain away. Noticing a pattern is not overreacting.

What changes matter?

While occasional forgetfulness is a normal part of aging, persistent or increasing changes are worth more attention.

You might notice your parent:

Repeats questions or stories more frequently
Has increasing difficulty remembering recent conversations
Repeatedly misses appointments or important dates
Has trouble following familiar routines
Struggles to find familiar words
Becomes more dependent on others for tasks they previously handled independently
Seems noticeably different from their usual self when it comes to remembering or thinking

A white woman in her fifties sweeping a front step in morning light — Noticing memory changes in a parent? Keep track of what happens and when.

Monitoring memory from home

One of the simplest ways to begin is by establishing a cognitive baseline.

Memory Exam is a 10 – 15 minute verbal assessment that can be taken from home. Your parent answers questions by voice, following clear spoken instructions.

The results provide a snapshot of their cognitive health today and a baseline that can be used to track changes over time.

That can be useful when you’re wondering:

Has my parent’s memory changed?
How can we keep track of changes over time?
What should I tell their doctor?

Memory Exam is a screening tool, not a diagnosis. It sets a baseline and provides useful information for a more informed conversation with your parent’s doctor or healthcare provider.

A Black man in his sixties and his wife sharing a bench, coffee cups between them — Signs of cognitive decline in parents can show up in everyday moments.

Talking about memory testing

Start the conversation with curiosity and care.

If you’re bringing up the idea of an assessment, start with what you’ve noticed and what you would like to understand better.

Instead of saying:

“I think you’re having memory problems.”

you could try:

“I’ve noticed you’ve had a few more things to keep track of lately. Would you be open to taking a quick memory assessment so we have a baseline?”

or:

“I’d like both of us to have a better sense of where things stand with your cognitive health. Would you be open to taking a screening at home? It only takes about 10 – 15 minutes.”

Think of the assessment as a simple first step toward understanding where things stand today.

Two old friends in their seventies nodding along while a clinician explains — Preparing for a doctor’s visit? Bring a list of all medications, questions and observations, and exam results, if they choose to take a test.

A few things that can help

Choose a calm moment.
Bring it up when you and your parent have time to talk without distractions or pressure.

Talk about your observations.
Share the specific things you’ve noticed and why they caught your attention.

Keep the focus on staying informed.
A baseline gives you a starting point you can return to over time.

Give your parent a say.
Include your parent in the decision and let them choose when they’re ready to take the exam.

A Latino man in his seventies with headphones on, eyes closed, listening — Getting a parent tested often begins with a respectful, private conversation when everyone is relaxed.

What you do with the results

Memory Exam is a screening test. It can show whether someone's memory performance differs from what is expected for their age and background. It cannot tell you why, and it is not a diagnosis.

If the result suggests a change, the next step is taking the results to a doctor or healthcare provider. A concrete score from a validated screening is a far better way to open that appointment than "We have been a bit worried."

If the results are unremarkable, you have a baseline. Encourage your parent to take the exam again in a year and you will know whether anything is moving, instead of relying on memory of memory.

A white man in his sixties holding a tablet at arm's length, reading a result — Concerned about talking to a parent? A gentle conversation about your observations can be the first step toward understanding.

Where to go next

When your parent is ready, you can buy the exam and send it to them. You buy it, tell us who it is for, and send it to their email address. They choose when to take it, the results are theirs, and you will not be able to read them unless they share them with you.

The same works for a grandparent. If you are a grandchild who has noticed something, you do not have to be the one to raise it. You can send them a one-minute demonstration to try, and let them decide what comes next.

You may also want the early warning signs checklist to help describe what you have noticed, or how the exam works if you are wondering what your parent will be asked to do.

Buy Memory Exam

An older woman smiling in conversation with two younger family members — It's never too early, or too late, to pay attention to the cognitive health of someone you love.